Blessings--

One day I'll learn to post these together-but today is not that day. 
A friend at church asked if I had ever heard this song and then promptly went to her car and let me borrow the cd.  I hope you are blessed by Laura Story's  "blessings"...
Over the last several months I had not been feeling well. Not physically--but emotionally...For whatever reason I decided to stay in this place.  I thought somehow maybe it could make me empathize with Garrison--the hopelessness he felt, the belief that life is not going to get any better.  As I've started to recover, why would I chose this?  My husband and friends suggested I get help and gently reminded me.  My husband shared that I would suggest to others in the state I was to go and get help.  And yet, I decided to stay in this pit.  One friend suggested I write in my blog and I told her--I have no words.  When asked about counseling, my reply was the same--I have no idea what to say.  Enough was enough and my husband scheduled an appointment.  And I really didn't have a lot of words--a lot of tears-but not many words--but it was a start.  I realize now the irony now of a blog titled, I'm just saying...and I could say nothing.  My pattern in life has been if I am able to write--to express how I feel (instead of being angry, bitter or sad and stuffing those feelings) then life feels right to me.  I am glad to say that through counseling and a med change my life is on the mend.
This song has blessed me and reminded me of God's love and faithfulness--they are constant--even when we don't know how to feel them.  I'm just sayin'...

Laura Story - Blessings

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More

Ready to turn the page...

I am ready for February to be over.  I had a bad dream last night.  What adds insult to injury is that I was up around 2:30/3:00-did the: do I stay up and have coffee,do stuff?/ had half a cup and decided my body needed rest at 4:15.  I can have some pretty intense, emotion-filled dreams.  This one concerned me crying over the loss of Garrison.  Yesterday's original blog-post really was more of a conversation with God and I ended up pushing the wrong button and losing it--it took me through His word and the joy of his promises and it was balm for the pain of our loss.  So then last evening Garrison's friend showed up at our doorstep.  He was in town, home from college for a quick visit.  He shared with me that his grandmother passed away the beginning of this month.  He was very close to her.  There was no funeral/memorial service.  He mentioned that her body has been cremated.  I asked if he had ever seen what the ashes look like.  He said that he hadn't and I then offered to showed him Garrison's ashes.  It was one of those surreal moments.  When you touch cremains there seems to be a fair amount that remains on your hands.  After all-- it is bone and flesh coming in contact.  So, my dream dealt with being told to stop the grieving process--suck it up--dry those tears.  Those words are like a death sentence to a melancholy like me.  My body did rest, but my mind was filled with this troubling dream.  The dream ended with a scene from a place in New Hampshire where another friend of Garrison's has gone and is returning to for help.  Garrison so enjoyed nature and in my dream it was Autumn--his favorite time of year.  When my soul is troubled I like to open our hymnal and dig through it for comfort.  I opened to My Hope Is Built on Nothing Less--it provided spiritual rest for my weary mind.  Thank you, Lord.  March is around the corner--I'm just sayin...

Spring is around the corner--Part One...

It's been a difficult month.  We didn't start out the month living Romans 12:12--Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Instead the inside of our hearts and home reflected being hateful in despair, impatient in blessing and faithless in fellowship with God.  Not a very nice picture.  You know that you have let satan dupe you once again when you hear the sage advice of your 17 year old tell you, "Maybe your marital problems have to do with the way the two of you communicate--Glory to God that His  mercies are new each morning!  I'm just sayin...

The stuff that doesn't make the christmas letter...

I'm not a big Christmas letter person anyway(writing them that is) of all holidays I actually am not a fan of this one.  I LOVE to CELEBRATE CHRIST'S BIRTH--but it is the other trappings of this time that are difficult for me to navigate.  Celebrating His Resurrection, along with the season of Lent is much more endearing to me.  I'm wondering if other Melancholy people feel as I do--I can hardly wait for the 26th of December!!!

Mark and I are working through a rough patch in our marriage.  I seem to have a real knack for saying what people want to hear---the word for that is LYING.  I just like to fluff that up--sounds less SINFUL---

I am a volcano--I might be latent for years(you'd have to check with Mark on that) but when I blow----WATCH OUT....May the dear Lord forbid you come anywhere near me!!!

I am studying the book of JONAH right now with a dear friend.  My life resembles him more than I care to admit.  I'm thankful for a God that allows my stupid wanderings, the discipline of my own mistakes and welcomes me back with open and loving arms....I'm just sayin.....

Diary of a Joyful White Woman...

Anyone who gets within 2 feet of me knows I love Tyler Perry movies...I just do....My sister in law Hayley drug me to Diary of a Mad Black Woman when it came out.  At first I wondered--why am I going--but this is me--the same woman who has gone to the Black Expo in Dayton, OH--and other events like that where I have been a minority...so sure I'll go. DofaMBW is one of my top 5 faves as is The Family That Preys--why you may ask...Because I believe that at the heart of these movies--there is a very strong Christian message of love and redemption.
Mark has tried to get me to the stage plays that Tyler is in and for one reason or another, it has not worked out.  Grant loves to watch Meet the Browns(the movie) with me.  So, for now, that is as close as I am getting to Mr. Tyler Perry.  Love him---because in a crazy, mixed up world--his movies reflect--Christian, positive, Christ centered redemptive family values...(Hope you get to read today's entry Tyler--I'm sure you are a secret follower of my blog since I follow yours....)
I am going through a very rough patch in my own personal life and it have greatly hurt in some fashion or another those quite dear to me.  Christ's love lavished on me through the love, prayers and painful truth of God's word have gotten me through. Mark and I have been reading 2 particular Bible passages.  He said that we will read them until we get them.  Love him---much more than Tyler Perry.....I'm just sayin.....